Articles Satire/Comedy

Top Ten Most Ridiculous Questions


After all these years doing weddings, I have heard many things. I have had every type of question put to that me you can possibly imagine.
Here are a few of my favorites!

1. (From a Bride) “I have $15,000 for my wedding and 600 guests coming. That should work, shouldn’t it?”
My response – “Uh, No…. That comes out to $25 per person. You wouldn’t even be able to afford a happy meal for each guest.”

2.  (From a groom) “I want to have the bride go down the aisle first and then I will come in with a red cape to the tune of Superman followed by a spotlight. Can you make that happen?”
My response – “First off, if the bride will be willing to walk down the aisle first (and I highly doubt it) and if she will be willing to have you in a red cape walking in to Superman (again, I really do have my doubts), then of course you can.”
I was right. The bride absolutely refused!

3. (From a Bride) “My mother-in-law wants us to use Chinet plates and plastic forks and a barbecue reception. Are you ok with this?”
My response – “I have absolutely no response to that!”

4. (From an FOB) “Since this wedding is costing so much, I think my wife and I will do a renewal of vows during the wedding ceremony before the bride and groom go down the aisle. Can you please set that up?”
My response – “You have got to be kidding me? Are you serious? WTF??? NO!!!!!!”

5. (From a Flower Girl) “Since my aunt (the bride) was kissing that man (not the groom) yesterday, will she marry him instead?”
My response – “Don’t you look darling. Now go find the other children and play.”

6.  (From a Bride) “My father is so tight. Would you add an additional $15,000 to my bill and give it back to me less an acceptable fee of course?”
My response – “I don’t think so!”

7. (From a Bride) “My fiancé loves the Dallas Cowboys. Do you think it would be possible to have the wedding at Cowboy’s Stadium during a home game?”
My response – “I doubt you could afford it or that Jerry Jones would allow it. Let’s think of some other options and not on game day!”

8.  (From a Bride) “Do you think it would be possible to have Beyoncé perform at my reception?
My response – “Isn’t your budget $75,000?”
Her response – “Yes”
My response – “NO!”

9.  (From a Bride) “Can you please not show the budget to my father? He will hit the roof?”
My response – “He is going to find out at some point. Doesn’t he pay the credit card bills? Can’t he add? You are on your own when he walks into the room with a shotgun!”

10. (From an MOB) “Very few people at our wedding will be drinking so we will not be having a bar.
Bride’s response – “Mother, most of the guests drink.”
MOB response – “None of my church friends drink.”
Bride’s response – “They are at church. Of course they don’t drink at church.”
MOB response – “Well how do you know they drink outside of church?”
Bride’s response – “They are Southern Baptists. Of course they drink. They just don’t do it in front of each other at church. Get real Mother!”
My response – “You obviously have me confused with someone who is participating in this.”


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