Advice & Ideas Articles Satire/Comedy

Most Important Things to Avoid at Your Wedding

Fallen Cake and Topper

Image from 

Our weddings are a day filled with love and joy and…… well, you name it, it has happened. Here are some things to avoid. Hopefully if you can steer clear of these, you will have that perfect day!

  1. Your future Sister-in-Law has gone against your wishes and brought her 3 month old baby to your reception after you said “NO CHILDREN”. Yes babies are children.
  2. The caterer served Grouper instead of the Chilean Sea Bass you ordered, hoping you wouldn’t realize the difference. Uh, yes, there is a BIG difference!
  3. You didn’t eat anything on wedding day before the ceremony and got dizzy and fainted on the altar. A word… Wedding morning = PROTEIN
  4. The venue told you there was plenty of room for your 300 guests in the space. When the guests start mooing, you now know that they lied! Ooops, too late!
  5. The tanning salon hired a new sprayer from Beverly Hills and was assigned to you on wedding week. Break out the lemon and salt. Scrub, scrub, scrub!
  6. You never found out which layers of the cake are fake and mangled three before you found one that cuts. Yikes!
  7. You ordered peonies for your bouquet for a wedding in August. Brace yourself… Ain’t happening!
  8. You ordered an antique Rolls Royce for your sendoff and the air conditioner went during your transfer from the church to the reception. The operative word was “antique”! DUH!!
  9. You gave the groomsmen a bottle of Jägermeister for their gifts. They proceeded to drink it before the ceremony. Only one didn’t pass out! Your fault!
  10. You actually gave the wedding ring to the ring bearer and he lost it. I wonder who could have ever seen that coming?
  11. You avoided telling your father how much the budget total is, hoping he would not be mad when the wedding comes. Better find a kevlar vest to wear under your gown.
  12. You and your parents have had some heated arguments about the number of people being invited to your wedding. Guess what, the parents always win this one.
  13. You had the floral designer create centerpieces with large feathers in them. You then ordered a significant number of candles per table. Of course you are paying to replace the burned table cloths.
  14. You wanted an outdoor ceremony on Labor Day weekend and several people passed out from heat exhaustion. Perhaps you shouldn’t have left them sitting in the sun while you had cocktails with the bridesmaids.
  15. You hired a DJ that chatted your ear off at the consultation and he has not stopped talking at your reception all night. I wonder what the clue might have been?
  16. You decided to hold an after party in the honeymoon suite and are presented with a five figure bill to correct the damage. Oooops!
  17. You demanded that the aisle runner be put down before the wedding and all the guests walked on it first. It was filthy when you went down the aisle. Imagine that!
  18. You neglected to put a name line on the rsvp card and now have no idea who is actually coming to your wedding. Can anyone say “open seating”?
  19. You shouldn’t have let your mother take that Xanax before the ceremony.
  20. You decided not to spend money on menu cards and several people were allergic to the lobster in the risotto and had elephantitic reactions. Perhaps you should have gone with the plain risotto and the used the extra money for the menu cards.

Source: New feed