Articles Satire/Comedy

Best Things Overheard at Weddings

As originally published in Texas Wedding Guide by Donnie Brown

Dad Steps on Dress

One thing about weddings that holds true pretty much everywhere I have been. People are drinking and partying and having a great time. You never know what you might overhear from these wedding revelers as the night goes on and the alcohol consumption flourishes. Here are a few I have witnessed personally:

  1. “The last time the bride saw 90210 she was standing on a bathroom scale.”
  2. “The bride just asked why all these people are looking at her.”
  3. “This chicken is drier than a popcorn fart!”
  4. “That hair color is not available in nature.”
  5. “Oh no, was that videographer close enough to hear what I just said?”
  6. “She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.”
  7. “I’m only 60. Do you think one of those bridesmaids might be into me?”
  8. “The groom’s mother is on a new diet consisting of only pineapple and bananas. She hasn’t lost any weight, but damn, you should see her climb a tree!”
  9. “I once slept with the groom. Only once though – He took a sleeping pill and a laxative before bed. NEVER AGAIN!”
  10. “That cake frosting is so yummy! I wonder when they are going to cut it?”
  11. “Love is grand. Divorce is one-hundred grand!”
  12. “I wonder if that’s a wash and wear bridal gown?”
  13. “She always said she’d marry money and she did – BITCH!”
  14. “Did you notice the minister rolling his eyes during the vows?”
  15. “$50 says the groom is gay!”
  16. “Can you believe she actually wore white? The bride is going to kill her!”
  17. “Mommy, what’s a Gold Digger?”
  18. “Don’t you think they could have picked a better first dance song than ‘Baby Got Back’?”
  19. “I begged her not to use the makeup artist from ‘Glamour Shots’!”
  20. MOB: “This florist did such a great job on the decor. I’m going to rehire them when she gets married next time!”

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