Advice & Ideas Articles

Visitor Question


Dear Donnie,
My husband and I will celebrate our 15 year anniversary next February. I have just recently started watching a lot of the wedding shows out there and it just makes me want to have another wedding! Although we had a beautiful wedding, it was a second for both of us and it was on a very small budget (about $2000 total, I think) since we were paying for it ourselves. His two children and my one from our first marriages were in the wedding. We now have two children together (a 4 & 8 year old) and they often ask why they weren’t a part of our wedding, also. I really want to have a vow-renewal ceremony and since I haven’t saved up for our 15th, it will probably have to wait until our 20th. We’ve been through a lot in the past 15 years and I would love to get up in front of all of our friends and family and let them know that if we had it all to do over again, we would still marry each other. We are still very much in love! My question is: What are the “rules” for a vow-renewal that are different from a wedding? I have read that you should not have a shower or expect gifts (that’s fine with me) and obviously no bachelor or bachelorette parties (again, fine with me!) But I’ve also read that there shouldn’t be any attendants. Is it bad etiquette to have attendants in a vow renewal? I think that would be half of the fun! I know the rules could change in the next 5 years, as what is and isn’t acceptable seems to constantly change. But for now, what is the best advice you could give me? I am hoping to hire you as my coordinator when the time comes (I live in LaPorte, TX)

Thanks for your time!

Catherine Wiess

Dear Catherine:
The rules are that there are no rules! You can have a vow renewal ceremony that is exactly like a wedding. If you want to have a shower, have a shower. You probably won’t get as many gifts as you would if you were starting your life together, but you probably don’t need as much stuff! You can have attendants, house party, ushers, and everything else you would be having if you were getting married for the first time. I wish you much success on your renewal and hope you have the time of your lives!

Best regards,