The Twelve Pains of Christmas

THE TWELVE PAINS OF CHRISTMAS

Written by Donnie Brown especially for Texas Wedding Guide and republished here.

Christmas Vacation Christmas Eve DinnerImage via: Warner Brothers

Holiday cheer is everywhere, Children are laughing and playing and being perfect little saints in fear that Santa won’t come otherwise. Wait, I’m sorry… that’s wishful thinking! You are about to have a house full of family, tons of cooking and a never-ending shopping list and things to do.  I call this the 12 pains of Christmas and as much as we want to sing Fa-la-la-la-la, let’s be a little realistic! Ready… SING WITH ME…

  • Oh the first pain of Christmas that makes me want to scream…

One house to try and get clean!

  • The Second pain of Christmas should come as no surprise…

Two Nosy Neighbors!

And One house to try and get clean!

  • The Third pain of Christmas might get me put away…

Three screaming children!

Two Nosy Neighbors!

And One house to try and get clean!

  • The fourth pain of Christmas and I keep asking why?

Four more gifts to wrap!

Three screaming children!

Two Nosy Neighbors!

And One house to try and get clean!

  • The fifth pain of Christmas one thing you can’t avoid…

FIVE MAXED OUT CREDIT CARDS!!

Four more gifts to wrap!

Three screaming children!

Two Nosy Neighbors!

And One house to try and get clean!

  • The sixth pain of Christmas is playing Betty Crocker…

Six burnt pumpkin pies!

FIVE MAXED OUT CREDIT CARDS!!

Four more gifts to wrap!

Three screaming children!

Two Nosy Neighbors!

And One house to try and get clean!

  • The seventh pain of Christmas does not brighten your day…

Seven tangled-strands of lights!

Six burnt pumpkin pies!

FIVE MAXED OUT CREDIT CARDS!!

Four more gifts to wrap!

Three screaming children!

Two Nosy Neighbors!

And One house to try and get clean!

  • The eighth pain of Christmas might make you want to move…

Eight SURPRISE guests!

Seven tangled-strands of lights!

Six burnt pumpkin pies!

FIVE MAXED OUT CREDIT CARDS!!

Four more gifts to wrap!

Three screaming children!

Two Nosy Neighbors!

And One house to try and get clean!

  • The ninth pain of Christmas, you might need a Valium…

Nine off-tune carolers!

Eight SURPRISE guests!

Seven tangled-strands of lights!

Six burnt pumpkin pies!

FIVE MAXED OUT CREDIT CARDS!!

Four more gifts to wrap!

Three screaming children!

Two Nosy Neighbors!

And One house to try and get clean!

  • The tenth pain of Christmas, I should have married money…

Ten months of bills!

Nine off-tune carolers!

Eight SURPRISE guests!

Seven tangled-strands of lights!

Six burnt pumpkin pies!

FIVE MAXED OUT CREDIT CARDS!!

Four more gifts to wrap!

Three screaming children!

Two Nosy Neighbors!

And One house to try and get clean!

  • The eleventh pain of Christmas, start my day with a drink…

Eleven dreadful parties!

Ten months of bills!

Nine off-tune carolers!

Eight SURPRISE guests!

Seven tangled-strands of lights!

Six burnt pumpkin pies!

FIVE MAXED OUT CREDIT CARDS!!

Four more gifts to wrap!

Three screaming children!

Two Nosy Neighbors!

And One house to try and get clean!

  • The last pain of Christmas might be the biggest of all…

Twelve family fighting!

Eleven dreadful parties!

Ten months of bills!

Nine off-tune carolers!

Eight SURPRISE guests!

Seven tangled-strands of lights!

Six burnt pumpkin pies!

FIVE MAXED OUT CREDIT CARDS!!

Four more gifts to wrap!

Three screaming children!

Two Nosy Neighbors!

And One house to try and get clean!

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